I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
