Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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