so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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