Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
