never play flip cup with pint glasses
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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