She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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