Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
