I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
