i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
