Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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