How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
