we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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