I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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