You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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