I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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