Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
