his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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