my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
