clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
