You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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