I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
