she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
