Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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