I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
