Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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