You're so nebulous sometimes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
