You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
