My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
