Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk is not a location!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
