I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
