:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
