I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This baby is an asshole
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
