He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
