3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
