have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
