A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
