walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
