i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
