We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
