so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
