I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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