"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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