HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
