what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
