sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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