STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
