do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
