when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
