Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
