I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is Oprah even human
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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