We got so high we made milksteak
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
