I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
