just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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