You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
