i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
