You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
