First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
