i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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